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DID YOU KNOW...

​THERE ARE BELIEVERS, WHO DAILY STRUGGLE WITH ADDICTION!  ​
MANY KEEP THEIR ADDICTION TO PRESCRIPTION DRUGS OR ALCOHOL SECRET FROM THEIR PASTORS AND CHURCH FRIENDS BECAUSE OF SHAME AND THE FEAR OF REJECTION. 
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-Are you a believer struggling with an addiction, alcoholism or a chemical dependency?
-Do you have a family member who is a pothead, an alcoholic or a drug addict?
-Are you alarmed to know that believers’ lives are being destroyed by substance abuse? 

​Addiction and alcoholism is epidemic in the U.S. Many of us have at least one close relative, friend or acquaintance that drinks too much, uses illegal recreational drugs, like marijuana, or abuses prescription painkillers. The purpose of this blog is to stimulate thought and to provide information addressing substance abuse and addiction issues that include CHRIST, THE ULTIMATE HIGHER POWER.

WHETHER YOU ARE A BELIEVER STRUGGLING WITH CHEMICAL DEPENDENCY OR A CO-DEPENDENT FAMILY MEMBER, KNOW THAT THERE IS HOPE, HEALING AND RESTORATION THROUGH CHRIST.

The "Confronting Substance Abuse in the Body of Christ" handbook, ​CSABC provides information and resources that will rally believers to unite in dealing with the problem of substance abuse, alcoholism and drug addiction. Contents include preventative measures, drug descriptions, the signs and symptoms of drug usage, dual-diagnosis, contact information for Christian rehabs and support groups nationwide, testimonials, how to start a faith-based support group, the biblical position on chemical dependency and much more.  

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​DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE LIKE "SAM?"
​“Sam”, a former marine, said he was unable to share what God was doing in his life at the regular AA and NA meetings. He and others wanted to have something faith-based in our church. More than once, I asked my pastor about having a support ministry for people at our church struggling with alcoholism and substance abuse. While researching facts and information for the CSABC manual, I learned about Celebrate Recovery. This nationwide support ministry founded by John Baker in 1991, is based on the eight principles of the Beatitudes, and the twelve steps and their Biblical comparisons. Celebrate Recovery looked like a perfect fit. Thankfully, my pastor thought so too, and then he told me to get it started. I did not expect that, but soon a team of women came together through word of mouth. We started our group meetings sitting around my kitchen table. There were no addicts or alcoholics in this initial women’s group, but other life issues were worked through. The Celebrate Recovery program is tailored to address any compulsive life issue, not just addiction.
Each of our sessions ended with good food and great fellowship, which increased our trust and bonding. Meanwhile, we recruited one of the church elders to start working with the first men’s group. Celebrate Recovery is a “leadership factory,” and as people complete the program, many then become facilitators for groups of other compulsive life issues like anger management, gambling, or pornography. A Christ-centered, Bible-based support ministry can have a significant healing impact not only for the church, but also for people attending from its surrounding communities.    

                       Author
Elona was born in New York City, but attended school for the most part in Switzerland and Denmark. When she turned 19, she came back to the States. Elona moved into Greenwich Village where she met, fell in love with and married a Jersey boy. Wayne was the love of her life until his sudden death in 2002.​

​​As a key participant in launching, facilitating and participating in the Christ-centered Celebrate Recovery ministry at her former church in New Jersey, she witnessed the miracle of changed lives, and hopes to inspire and encourage others to participate actively in addressing the problem of substance abuse/addiction infecting our churches and communities. 
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Select Posts
​For Family Members of the Substance Abuser / Addict
​Give, but not grudgingly

​Drugs and Devotion
A Global New Normal
Who Is This Jesus
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​         WITH JESUS THE BEST IS ALWAYS YET TO COME!
MAYBE SOME OF US NEED TO HOLD ON TO GOD TIGHTER THAN OTHERS DO. THIS IS NOT SUCH A BAD THING. THE SOONER, WE REALIZE PUTTING OURSELVES UNDER HIS LORDSHIP IS THE SAFEST PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE TO BE, THE BETTER! THE POPULAR SAYING THAT “GOD TAKES CARE OF THOSE WHO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES” IS NEITHER SCRIPTURAL NOR TRUE. THE FACT IS GOD TAKES CARE OF THOSE WHO ACKNOWLEDGE HOW MUCH THEY NEED HIM.
GOD IS ABBA, OUR HEAVENLY FATHER, AND HE WANTS TO HELP US, IF WE WILL LET HIM.
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What Ever Happened To Lorraine...

9/26/2024

 
The following is about a friend I will simply refer to as “Lorraine.” When I first met Lorraine, she was a young, vibrant mother devoted to her husband and children. Lorraine was dedicated to her church family and very involved with an outreach ministry. Her life was calm and peaceful until she contracted Lyme’s Disease from a tick bite. The Lyme’s triggered multiple health problems and Lorraine became very ill. Over the following years, she suffered from increasingly severe chronic pain. During that period Lorraine also became addicted to pain medication. Her life was out of control with irrational behaviors, frequent visits to the Emergency Room and random blackouts. Her husband and teenage son lived with constant worry, never knowing what to expect next.
 
When Lorraine attended church, she could be seen after the service weeping at the altar, or being prayed over, but few knew about her struggle with addiction to pain medication. She would habitually stop using for a brief period of time, but then relapse. One night, she died in her sleep of a massive heart attack. Although Lorraine’s premature death was not directly caused by a drug overdose, her frail health was further compromised by her dependency on Oxycontin and Percocet.
 
Lorraine’s case is not unique. There are Christians of various age groups, and ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds, who drink or drug to excess and struggle secretly with their addictions.
 
The stigma and aversion connected with substance abuse often reinforce the abuser’s hesitation to seek counsel or help. One misleading claim is that all people who take drugs are morally weak or have criminal tendencies. Another is that addicts and alcoholics can stop drinking and drugging if they would just be willing to change their behavior. Those of us living with husbands, wives, sons, and daughters, who have committed themselves to follow Christ, can’t understand why our loved ones repeatedly slip back into abusing alcohol or drugs. Why can't they just stop? These and other misconceptions about addiction sustain our prejudices.
 
Many people in our communities view substance abuse and addiction as strictly social problems, but for the Christian, this problem goes far beyond being socially or morally objectionable.The Bible says that the body of the believer belongs to God.
(1 Corinthians 6:19-20 KJV)
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Therefore, defiling one’s body with drugs, alcohol or nicotine is sinning. This parasitic disease, called addiction, destroys its host’s spiritual, physical, and mental health. It is an exhausting obsession that captures the abuser’s thoughts and attention, making every other concern secondary. Even to the point of the abuser neglecting a one-time fervent and intimate relationship with the Lord.
 
Some, including those who are addicted themselves, may not believe that a Spirit-filled Christian could become addicted to drugs, alcohol or chemicals. To compound the matter, many churches remain silent or declare that no one in their church has a substance abuse problem. The scorn associated with alcoholism and addiction, conceived through ignorance and denial, keeps us from facing the fact that this problem affects people from all social, racial, and religious backgrounds. No one group is exempt, and unfortunately, even Christians can become addicted.

DEA Releases 2024 National Drug Threat Assessment

9/26/2024

 
Drug-related deaths claimed 107,941 American lives in 2022, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Fentanyl and other synthetic opioids are responsible for approximately 70% of lives lost, while methamphetamine and other synthetic stimulants are responsible for approximately 30% of deaths.

“The shift from plant-based drugs, like heroin and cocaine, to synthetic, chemical-based drugs, like fentanyl and methamphetamine, has resulted in the most dangerous and deadly drug crisis the United States has ever faced,” said DEA Administrator Anne Milgram. “At the heart of the synthetic drug crisis are the Sinaloa and Jalisco cartels and their associates, who DEA is tracking world-wide... 

https://www.dea.gov/press-releases/2024/05/09/dea-releases-2024-national-drug-threat-assessment

For The Love Of Animals...

9/25/2024

 
Those of us who love animals can relate to other animal lovers.
God created animals, and He loves them even more than we do. Loving animals reflects God’s compassion for all His creation.

Psalm 150:6 says, “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.”
Not just every human, but everything that has breath, and this includes animals.

Psalm 24:1 says that everything belongs to God, including animals.

Genesis 9:16 and Hosea 2:18 outline covenant promises to animals.

The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made. Psalm 145:9

This verse reminds us of God’s goodness and mercy, which extends to all of His creation.
It reinforces the idea that animals are also recipients of God’s care and love.

Secrets Can Be Dangerous...

9/22/2024

 
The greatest power of deception is not knowing that you’re deceived.

The times when we are most vulnerable to deception is while suffering a major loss like the death of a loved one, a medical or a financial crisis, or the loss of a job.

A life issue comes up, usually demanding an immediate decision. We assume we know what to do, because “it feels right,” and we jump to the conclusion that we have everything under control.

Before acting hastily on our assumed understanding, it would be smart to first pray about it, and ask God for wisdom and direction. Then, maybe even counsel with a mature and trusted Christian. We can be self-deceived, deceived by others, or deceived by the Accuser, whose goal is to kill, steal and destroy.

Decisions made under deception can be critical, in the worst-case scenario, even fatal.

Some scriptures that address the spirit of deception:
Ephesians 5:10 ESV
1 Thessalonians 5:21 NASB
Proverbs 11:14 KJV

May God’s favor, discernment, and wisdom rest on all who love God and the Lord Jesus Christ, our soon coming King!

More Than A Conqueror...

9/21/2024

 
The enemies of the Lord’s anointed will be overwhelmed by confusion that will be the cause of their destruction.

Where Our Help Comes From......

9/20/2024

 
In the Bible, the Lord our God says - don't be afraid, I will help you. God doesn't lie, we can trust Him.
For the God of all creation - nothing is impossible!


There is hope, peace and joy even in the midst of hard times, with God as our Champion!

Abba Father, please help our unbelief!

About Deception...

2/18/2024

 
 
Deception, like sin, thrives in secrecy, and every voice, every “revelation” is not from God. Also, when you are deceived you don’t know that you are deceived! Think you heard from God? Pray for God to reveal any deception, and for guidance in finding the right counselor.
 
A couple of scriptures that address the spirit of deception:
 
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1 ESV
 
Where no counselor is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14 KJV

The Seasoned Centurion...

6/10/2022

 
The seasoned centurion looked up at the dead man on the cross, tears streaming down his face. Minutes before, on command, and without hesitation he pierced the man’s side. Showered in the spray of His blood and water, the stunned soldier fell to his knees, his hardened heart broken by remorse and the conviction that this man truly was the Son of God.

Christmas 2021

12/26/2020

 
The same God Who created all things out of nothing has revealed Himself to us through His Son, Jesus. The Creator humbled Himself to leave Heaven and enter His creation as a baby so He could fully identify with us. As the only sinless human being, and the only possible Mediator between God and man, He willingly sacrificed His life for our sin-debt. 
Awesome gift!

Life...

10/15/2020

 
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Life, generally speaking…..
Life is a let-down at times.  Bad news is consistently in the media.  We are informed of crime, natural disasters and political unrest on a daily basis.  We experience personal disappointments, and at times the burden of our sorrows becomes overwhelming.  Stress and apathy can further undermine our ability or desire to go on with a positive attitude.  If this is all there is to life, what’s the point, one might ask.  The good news is, that God has provided the hope, comfort and support we need to overcome the disappointments and difficulties of this world. (John 16:33)
 
What did God do?
“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”(John 3:16)  Jesus held nothing back to set us free.  He was ridiculed, brutally beaten and crucified.  He suffered an incredibly painful, long and shameful death reserved only for the lowest of criminals.  He poured Himself out, offering His sinless life in exchange for our sinful ones. (Isaiah 53:12)
What does this mean to us?
Jesus paid the penalty for us in full, so that we can claim peace of mind and freedom from sin’s power to destroy our fellowship with God.  By His resurrection, He became the first-fruits among those who had died.  The same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, will also raise us to an eternal life. (I Corinthians 15:12-56)  He empowers us, encourages us and gives us vision beyond the joys and sorrows of this life.  In Him we have the hope to live victoriously.  Jesus Christ is our mediator; the only mediator between God and man. (I Timothy 2:5)
What must we do?
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself ”. (Luke 10:27)

A Good Time To...

4/12/2020

 
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Give, but not begrudgingly; God loves a cheerful giver. (2 Corinthians 9:7)
 
Our God is generous, He gives and gives and gives. He gave us His Son! (John 3:16)
 
God the Son, Jesus Christ gives us eternal life! (John 17:2)
 
Be a blessing to others and you will be blessed and full of joy. Watch your motives for giving. Every good gift is from God and we are stewards, caretakers of all that God has given us: our resources, talents, health, family, money.(Ecclesiastes 5:19, Matthew 6:1 -4, James 1:17)
 
Be generous and you will thrive. (Proverbs11:24 -28)
 
Be obedient and don’t be selfish. (Psalm119:36)
 
A selfish person, a greedy person is never satisfied. (Ecclesiastes 5:10)
 
Be charitable to the poor. (Deuteronomy 15:7-8)
 
Care for the poor, and God will deliver, protect and heal you. (Psalm 41:1-3)
 
Jesus said, when you were generous to the least of these, you were doing it as unto God. (Matthew 25:40)
 
Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord. (Proverbs 19:17)

Turning one’s back on the poor is an offense to God, and He will turn His back on that person. (Proverbs 21:3)

Generosity glorifies God. (2 Corinthians 9:13)


Wonderful...

2/28/2020

 
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​There are wonderful moments when life seems almost perfect, but life is far from perfect because we are living in a broken world. Each one of us is on a unique journey, passing through here for a limited amount of time, and moving toward another reality. One, which is either more glorious or more horrific than imaginable. It’s a privilege to know how much God loves us, and to share this good news with others. If we don’t tell them how will they know Jesus has made it possible for us to have eternal life with God, in His presence, in His kingdom, and that faith in Christ finished work will save them from going to hell!

The Bible says in Romans 10:9,10 "that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation."  
“Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” Acts 16:31 New American Standard Bible (NASB)


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New American Standard Bible (NASB)
Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995
​by The Lockman Foundation

Drugs and Devotion

7/13/2019

 
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Why do some people seem compelled to experiment and others live their entire lives without ever taking a single puff, snort, sniff, or dose of an illicit substance?

Thanks to decades of social studies, we now know that a person’s genes, mental health, and socioeconomic status can all affect his or her chance of using drugs – but what about religion? We’ve analyzed data from two nationally representative surveys to explore how religious beliefs – or a lack thereof – influence drug-taking.

To begin our journey through drugs and devotion, let’s compare religiosity and drug use across all 50 states plus Washington, D.C. If there is a connection between religious belief and substance abuse, we would expect to see clear differences between places that have very high and very low levels of religiosity.

The National Survey on Drug Use and Health is conducted once a year to track how people across the country have been using drugs. Alongside the questions about illicit drugs and alcohol, the survey – which includes about 70,000 respondents – also asks a host of questions on topics like well-being, education, and employment. The identifying statement we used to derive the data represented in graphs 1, 2 and 3 is “My religious beliefs are very important.” If a respondent strongly agreed with that statement, we classed them as religious. If they strongly disagreed, we classed them as nonreligious. We were then able to compare lots of other variables against the religious and nonreligious groups, such as the one above: past year use of various drugs.

Graph 1 shows the past year rates (red and blue lines) on the right Y-axis and the difference between the religious and nonreligious rates (purple bars). Right away, we can see that across all substances, the nonreligious group has higher past year usage rates. But the gaps between the rates differ a lot depending on the drug type. Cigarettes and alcohol (the two legal substances) show the smallest gaps. 59.8% of the religious group consumed alcohol in the previous year, compared with 77.4% of the nonreligious group, and 19% of the religious group smoked cigarettes, versus 36.2% of the nonreligious group. These gaps, while significant, pale in comparison to the substances at the other end of the chart, like LSD, which was used by 1.2% of the nonreligious group, but only 0.1% of the religious group (12 times less). Across all illicit drugs, the nonreligious respondents had a past year usage rate that was almost three times higher than the religious respondents.

We now know that, on average, people who are religious take drugs less often than people who aren’t. See Graph 2.
 
We’ve added more evidence to the theory that religion influences drug-taking, but we still don’t know what component of religious beliefs orient people away from illicit substances. Is it time spent at church, the doctrine itself, or some other aspect of faith? To find out more, we compared the religious and nonreligious groups across nine other questions.

The results in Graph 3 indicate that nonreligious individuals are twice as likely as the religious to say they “get a real kick out of doing dangerous things” and “like to test themselves by taking risks.” These risks don’t necessarily include taking drugs (although we do know they do more of that), but they do include not wearing a seat belt while driving: 2.9% of the nonreligious group admitted to this reckless act, compared with 1.2% of the religious.

People who say their religious beliefs are very important are also significantly less likely to have ever sold an illegal drug, or have been expelled from school for using or selling drugs. More interesting than that, though, is that nonbelievers say they are almost twice as likely as believers to have been approached by someone selling drugs in the last year.

For more on this subject go to: https://drugabuse.com/featured/drugs-and-devotion/
 
Sources
  • National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 2013 and 2014
  • Monitoring the Future: A Continuing Study of American Youth (8th- and 10th-Grade Surveys), 2014
  • Monitoring the Future: A Continuing Study of American Youth (12th-Grade Surveys), 2014
  • Religiosity and exposure to users in explaining illicit drug use among emerging adults, Journal of Religion and Health ---
  • http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23114835ph 2
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Graph 1
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Graph 2
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Graph 3

Sober Apps: New Tools to Help Those in Recovery

7/4/2019

 
 https://www.getsmartaboutdrugs.gov/news-statistics/2017/06/09/sober-apps-new-way-help-those-recovery

Addiction counseling, in-person meetings, new hobbies – all of these activities are used by those in recovery. You can now add smartphone applications (apps) to this list. This technology is now being used by many as a tool to help an individual maintain their recovery.

Check out the Celebrate Recovery app *and others available to download for free -https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.goodbarber.crsummit&hl=en_US
 
Celebrate Recovery is a biblical and balanced program that is based on a combination of the Beatitudes, the actual words of Jesus, and the Christ–centered 12- steps. 25 years ago, Saddleback Church launched Celebrate Recovery with 43 people. It was designed as a program to help those struggling with any life challenging issues that is hurts, habits and hang-ups by showing them the loving power of Jesus Christ through a recovery process. Celebrate Recovery is now in over 20,000 churches worldwide! To find a location near you click on https://locator.crgroups.info/
  
*Please keep in mind, the inclusion of these links on this website does not constitute an official endorsement, guarantee, or approval by me, and I am not endorsing any facilities, I only offer them as possible resources.
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July 01st, 2019

7/1/2019

 

Something to consider...

9/19/2018

 
Church is not only a place for Christians to worship God and have fellowship. It should also be a safe haven for the broken-hearted, the lonely and the depressed to be ministered to with Christ-like empathy and compassion. Churches offer many excellent programs and ministries, but the life-threatening problem of substance abuse and addiction is often treated like a shame issue that no one wants to address. Jesus isn’t afraid of sin; the Church is. We need to recognize the fact that He not only has the solution to this problem, He is the solution!

Teaching our children and adolescents at home about illegal drugs and the consequences of abusing them is a vital first step in prevention, but churches need to be involved as well. Youth pastors should be encouraged to teach Bible-based classes about the danger of experimenting with inhalants, alcohol, illegal drugs and prescription painkillers. Helping our children to develop their unique talents and interests in sports, art, music and the like is always positive. If we want our young people to spend their free time in quality after-school programs, we need to invest our time and resources in youth programs that are fun and stimulating. If we don’t offer the youth fun projects at church, how can we expect them not to get involved with what the world offers?

When ministers avoid preaching about sin and difficult subjects, like drug addiction and alcohol dependency, their parishioners may easily assume that since their pastor doesn’t talk openly about this offensive subject, it must not really be a problem that concerns their church. Nevertheless, Christians are just as susceptible as non-believers to become dependent on alcohol, prescription pain medication, marijuana or illicit street drugs. While we say and do nothing, individual lives, marriages and families are being destroyed.

One of the Church’s strongest assets is the mature Christian. The believer, who has a solid relationship with the Lord, can have an immeasurable positive influence on the recovering addict through mentoring, discipling and by holding the recovering person accountable. There is also a need for men and women to start and lead more Christ-centered, Bible-based support groups and programs, where individuals in recovery can receive total acceptance and discover that, through Jesus Christ, it is possible to live drug-free and sober. The CSABC manual in the introduction on this page is available for free to download. It has a lot of information about substance abuse including preventative measures and a chapter on how to start a support group that includes contact information for resources.

In Galatians 6:1 NIV, we are told that “If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”

Within the Church, as in the world, the entrapment of substance abuse, like sin, thrives in secrecy. Its power over the addict starts to shrink when the issue of substance abuse is openly addressed.

What is your gift?

9/19/2018

 

I knew a man whose gift of being able to make money was simply based on one simple concept; the vision to see the simple solution to a need, and come up with the solution to meet that need. He put his ideas into actual products, and worked hard to successfully implement those concepts that resulted in financial success.
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You too have special gifts that you can put into practice, they may or may not make money, but they will have an impact. We all have gifts and talents. For example, the gift of encouragement. This gift does not generate money, but can generate a deep healing for others and even for oneself, which money can’t buy.

​The greatest giver of all gifts, the One who has all the answers to our questions, and the solutions to all our problems is listening, able and willing. He is trustworthy!

About Intervention...

8/9/2018

 
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You probably know when your spouse or your child doesn’t look right, right? In spite of an inclination to think this is somehow our fault, don’t blame yourself if you suspect that someone in your family is abusing drugs or alcohol. Do trust your intuition, that uncomfortable “feeling” or that little voice inside telling you that “something’s not right.” Denying the facts, ignoring the signs or thinking that you can control their addiction or dependency, won’t resolve the problem. Get help! Early intervention is very important. It may be a matter of life and death. Addiction is physiological, psychological and spiritual. It’s bondage. Pray and fast to break the power of “the strong man,” over their lives.





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Breaking the Chain of Substance Abuse

8/9/2018

 
 
While researching material for the informational manual, “Confronting Substance Abuse in The Body of Christ,” I learned about Celebrate Recovery, a rehabilitation program, a combination of Bible-based 12-steps, and the Beatitudes. Efforts to get a Christ-centered support ministry in my church, had not been well received. After 6+ years, my pastor finally succeeded in getting most of the church leadership to allow Celebrate Recovery to start.

The next hurdle was that no one wanted to actually take on starting up a recovery and support ministry. So when my pastor told me to do it, I had to agree. The church provided the materials, and after a few weeks of introductions from the pulpit, announcing the startup of a gender-specific Celebrate Recovery Group for women, and the full support of the senior pastor, we had about five women committed to work through the material. Since CR is for any kind of “hurt, habit or hang-up,” the fact that no one in this newly formed group had a problem with substance abuse, was not a deterrent to start. Each person had some life issue that she wanted to work through.

Celebrate Recovery is a leadership factory, so to speak. After the group completed the 4-book series, each woman was able to facilitate a group herself. Each group addressed a specific issue that the group facilitator had worked through in the program. Groups formed like co-dependency, sexual abuse, anger management and the like. In the meanwhile, one of the male deacons decided to go through the program and facilitate a men’s group for substance abuse. Eventually, this CR ministry grew, and became an outreach to the surrounding communities.

Forgiveness...

7/6/2018

 
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22
 
I made up my mind - I wasn't going to forgive my mother-in-law anymore! Every time I forgave her, she would do or say something hurtful again. I was just sick of trying to do the right thing. Wasn’t there something about the other person being sorry for being so mean-spirited before you actually had to forgive them?
 
But no matter how I twisted and turned my arguments to justify myself, I felt an increasing sense of discomfort. Unresolved grudges are like "the little foxes that eat the vine,” gradually causing a schism that deteriorates our relationship with God. I became aware of this separation, while I stubbornly continued to struggle with anger and bitterness. In the meanwhile, praying was a chore and my spiritual life seemed dead.
 
One day while I was sitting at the kitchen table thinking about my mother-in-law and how much I really disliked her, the thought of forgiving her passed through my mind. I immediately decided that I wouldn’t forgive her. No, not again! In fact, I was sure I had no desire or reason to forgive her. At once, I had a clear impression in my mind of the Lord saying, “That’s your sin and you need to repent. It is not that you don't "feel" like forgiving her, but that you don't even want Me to give you the ability to forgive her. Your emotions aren't the problem, your heart is. Your willingness to forgive is necessary first.” I realized then that true forgiveness is an act of the will, not an emotional choice and that my unforgiveness was affecting my relationship with God. I asked Him to forgive me for my disobedience and rebellion. I told the Lord that I forgave my mother-in-law.
 
Amazingly, my decision to let go of the hard feelings and resentment towards Mom immediately began to change my negative attitude towards her. A couple of weeks later, on Mother’s Day, after the church service, my youngest daughter asked if we could visit Granny. I had not seen Mom for weeks and didn’t know what to expect, but I knew I needed to make this effort. On the way there, I stopped at a local grocery store, and picked up flowers for Mom.
 
To my surprise, not only was Mom very happy to see us, but she gave me a Mother’s Day card with money in it and sent us back to the house with cash gifts for both of her granddaughters as well as for her son.
 
From that time on my relationship with Mom continued to improve, and eventually grew into a deep and sincere love that was mutually affectionate.
 
Do you need to forgive someone, or God, or yourself?
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